“اکیلی”

واقعہ  لاہور کا ہو یا  موٹروے کا، ایک بچے /بچی سے کسی رشتہ داریا نام نہاد مذہبی رہنما کی زیادتی کا، سب ایک زخم دے کر  جاتے ہیں اور ہم جیسوں کی روح کانپ جاتی ہے ۔ حیرت ان لوگوں پر ہوتی ہے جو  سمارٹ فون سے مووی بناتے ہیں اور پوسٹ بھی کرتے ہیں ۔ یا پھر اس انسان پر تنقید کرتے ہین جو درندگی کا شکار ہوتے ہیں۔ ان تمام واقعات سے ایک بات تو طے ہے کہ کہ ہم اپنی نسل کو  بحیثیت قوم نا اچھی تعلیم دے سکے نا ان کی  تربیت کر سکے۔ اب تمام واقعات میں  جب بھی تربیت کی بات ہو تو ماں کا ذکرِ  ضرور ہوتا ہے ۔ ایک مختصر بات کے بعد. سلسلہ اگے بڑھائیں گے ۔ گھر میں ماں کے ساتھ باپ کو بھی شامل کیا کیجئے  کیونکہ اگر باپ نسلی اور عزت کرنے والا نہ ہو تو ماں کیا خاک ترتیب کرے گی ۔  آپ گھر کے ماحول کے اثرات کو ترتیب سے کیسے الگ کر سکتے ہیں۔ اس پر پھر کبھی بات چیت کریں گے ۔

اردو  لغت میں  لفظ “اکیلی” کے معنی ہیں تنہا جس کا کوئی ساتھی نہ ہو ۔ ان معنی کو ذہن میں رکھیں۔ 

 ​​ پاکستانی معاشرے میں استعمال کی جانے والی چند مثالیں۔ 

دو بچوں کے ساتھ سفر کرنے والی “اکیلی” عورت

ملازمین کے ہوتے ہوئے بھی “اکیلی” نور مقدم

ہجوم میں اپنی سہیلیوں کے ساتھ”اکیلی” ٹک ٹاکر

موٹر وے ہے سفر کرنے والی تین “اکیلی” لڑکیاں

سوزوکی پک اپ میں اپنے والد کے ساتھ سفر کرتی “اکیلی” لڑکی جس کو سامنے بیٹھا مرد مسلسل اپنی ٹانگوں کو آگے بڑھا کر اس کی ٹانگوں کو چھوتا ہے (اور پھر لڑکی کے والد سے چپیڑیں کھا کر سکون کرنا)6

“لیڈیز سیٹ” پر بیٹھی 3-4 ” اکیلی” خواتین۔ کھڑکی کی جانب بیٹھا مرد، آگے بیٹھی “اکیلی” خاتون کو سائیڈ پہ موجود پتلی  سی  جگہ سے ہاتھ ڈال کر چھوتا ہے اور ساتھ بیٹھا مرد خاموش تماشائی ہے۔ 

  وین کی فرنٹ سیٹ پر بیٹھی 2 یا 3 بچیاں اور ڈرایئور کے  بیٹھی ہوئی سہمی ہوئی بچی، جس کو اکثر ڈرایئور ہاتھ لگانا اپنا حق سمجھتے ہیں

  اپنے بچوں کے سامنے قتل ہونے والی “اکیلی” عورت۔

سب لوگوں کے سامنے بے حرمتی کا شکار ہونے والی “اکیلی” بزرگ عورت۔

 300+ مسافروں کے ساتھ ہوائی جہاز کا سفر کرنے والی “اکیلی” عورت جس کو پاکستان سے دوہا، ابو دابی، اور دبئی جانے والے اکثر مرد اگر اس اکیلی عورت کے ساتھ بیٹھ جاہیں تو ان کے ہاتھ اور ٹانگ قابو میں نہیں رہتیں۔ 

 رکشے میں سفر کرتیں “اکیلی” ماں اور بیٹی لسٹ بہت لمبی ہے صاحب اور اس “اکیلی” عورت میں مزید ہمت بھی نہیں۔ یہ مثالیں  فرضی نہیں ۔ راولپنڈی میں پبلک ٹرانسپورٹ میں سفر کرنے کے میرے اپنے تجربات ہیں

 ۔
 اب اُردو لغت میں دیئے گئے  معنی کے مطابق  “اکیلی عورت” کی چند  مثالیں ۔۔۔ وہ عورت جو تنہا ہے، بچے، مرد کوئی ساتھ نہیں۔

 
اکیلی ہوتی ہے وہ جو اوبر میں ایک مرد ڈرایئور اور نشے میں دھت مرد مسافر کے ساتھ سفر کر کے خیریت سے گھر پہنچے۔

 اکیلی عورت وہ ہوتی ہے جو 26 گھنٹوں کا سفر ٹرین میں ساتھ بیٹھے ایک انجان  مرد کے ساتھ آرام سے سو کرگزار دے۔

اکیلی عورت وہ ہوتی ہے 14 گھنٹے کا سفر بیماری میں ایک انجان مرد کے ساتھ بیٹھ کر گزارے جو اس کو نیند سے اٹھا کر کھانا کھانے کو کہے۔

 اکیلی عورت وہ ہوتی ہے جو تیز بارش سے پریشان ہو کر انجان سڑک پر سکون سے سائیڈ پر گاڑی پارک کر لے.

اکیلی عورت وہ ہوتی ہے جو پانچ گھنٹے کی ڈرائیو بغیر کسی مرد ڈرائیور کی بدتمیزی کے کر لے۔

اکیلی عورت وہ ہوتی ہے جو مردوں سے بھری بس میں بے فکر ہو کر چڑھ جائے کہ کوئی اس کو ہاتھ نہیں لگائے گا ۔یہ فہرست بھی لمبی ہے۔ یہ بھی سفر کرنے کے میرے اپنے تجربات ہیں۔

 
بہت سارے لوگ کہیں گے کہ اس معاشرے میں بھی تو ایسا ھوتا تھا۔ تو جناب وہ اکیسویں صدی نہیں تھی۔ اور اب جو ہوتا ہے، قانون اپنا کام شروع کرتا ہے۔میں  ہرگز یہ نہیں کہہ رہی کہ ان ممالک میں عورتوں کے ساتھ  کچھ برا نہیں  ہوتا۔ بالکل ہوتا ہے ۔ مگر قانون کی بالادستی قائم ہے اور انصاف بھی مل جاتا ہے ۔
کچھ لوگ یہ بھی سوچیں گے کہ دیکھو مغرب نے ہماری اقدار اپنا لیں. اس غلط فہمی سے باہر نکل آئیں۔ مغربی ممالک کی اپنی مذہبی اور معاشرتی اقدار ہیں جن کو اکثریت مانتی ہے۔

اب سوال یہ ہے کہ کیا واقعی عورت کبھی  اکیلی ہوتی ہے۔ اب وہ لوگ جو مرد کی غیر موجودگی میں عورت کو اکیلا  اور غیر محفوظ سمجھتے ہیں  ، آپ اپنے ایمان کا معائنہ کریں اور مذہبی کتاب کو غور سے پڑھیں۔ اب آپ کہیں گے کہ ہم تو بڑی باقاعدگی سے اپنی کتاب پڑھتے ہیں اور ایمان بھی بڑا مضبوط ہے۔ تو میرا سوال یہ ہے کہ آپ مرد کے بغیر عورت کو اکیلا کیوں کہتے ہیں؟ آپ سب کی مقدس کتاب یہ کہتی ہے کہ خدا، اللہ، بھگوان ہر جگہ، ہر وقت موجود ہوتا ہے اور وہ سب کا محافظ ہے۔ کیا کوئی مرد خدا، اللہ، بھگوان سے بڑا محافظ ہو سکتا ہے؟  پھر عورت مرد کے بغیر کیسے اکیلی اور غیر محفوظ ہو سکتی ہے۔ عورتیں بھی تو اُسی  پر ایمان رکھ کر گھر سے نکلتی ہیں ۔ پھر وہ  اکیلی کیسے ہو سکتی ہیں ۔  یہ درندے خدا، اللہ، بھگوان کی موجودگی میں ایسا گھناونا فعل کرتے ہیں اور عورت کی دہائی پر ہم سب کا  خدا، اللہ، بھگوان زمین پر کیوں نہیں اترتے ۔ جانتے ہیں. ایسا کیوں ہے ۔میری ناقص عقل کے مطابق ایسا اس لئے نہیں ہوتا کیونکہ انسان کو  خدا نے اپنے روپ میں  پیدا کیا۔

 یہ واقعہ میں نے  فیس بُک پر پڑھا ۔ رات کو عورت اکیلی جا رہی تھی سیدنا عمرِ فاروقؓ پوچھتے ہیں،اے عورت تجھے اکیلے سفر کرتے ہوئے ڈر نہیں لگتا،تو عورت کہتی ہے یا تو عمرؓ کا وصال ہوگیا ہے یا تم ہی عمرؓ ہوورنہ،”عمر بن خطابؓ کی خلافت میں کسی کی جرات نہیں کہ کوئی عورت کی طرف آنکھ اٹھا کر دیکھے۔”اس واقعے کے مطابق 1) حاکمِ وقت پر عوام کا اعتماد، 2) قانون کی بالادستی ایسے معاشرے کو جنم دیتے ہیں ۔ ہم تو ایسی معاشرت کو بھول ہی چکے ہیں ۔

ایک اور واقعہ جو کہ فرضی ہے ۔ آپ نے یقیناً سن رکھا ہو گا۔ ایک شخص جزیرے پر پھنس جاتا ہے. اور رو رو کر خدا سے اس کی مدد کرنے کی دعا کرتا ہے اور ایمان رکھتا ہے کہ خدا اس کی مدد کے لیے خود زمین پر آئے گا ۔ مختصراً، بہت زندہ بچنے کے مواقعے وہ شخص یہ کہ کے گنوا دیتا ہے کہ خدا خود زمیں پر آ کر اس کی مدد کرے گا ۔ ظاہر ہے وہ اس آس میں ہی وفات پا جاتا ہے ۔ جب خدا سے ملاقات ہوتی ہے تو شکوہ کرتا ہے کہ خدا نے اس کی مدد کیوں نہیں کی۔ اور خدا اس کو کہتا ہے کہ وہ تمام لوگ جو اس کی مدد کیلئے آۓ وہ سب خدا نے ہی بھیجے تھے۔ اس واقعے کے مہفوم کو سمجھیں ۔ خدا ، اللہ، بھگوان زمین پر نہیں آتا ، انسانی روپ میں مددگار آتے ہیں ۔ اس واقعے سے ہم یہ بھی اخذ کر سکتے ہیں کہ خدا ہر جگہ موجود انسانی روپ میں ہوتا ہے ۔ انسان ہی یہ بھول گیا ہے کہ اس کا فرض صرف دعائیں کرنا نہیں بلکہ اپنی موجودگی میں دوسرے کی حفاظت کرنا بھی فرض ہے ۔ اب ہم یا تو یہ مان لیں کہ عورت کبھی اکیلی نہیں ہوتی اور ہر جگہ ہمارا رب موجود ہے یا پھر مشہود فلاسفر ڈیوڈ ہیوم کے فلسفے کو مان لیں ۔

A “Slap” is Enough!

It has been more than a year that I have been wanting to watch the movie Thappad (Slap), but I’m unable to gather my courage to do so. When I watched the trailer, I instantly said, “the girl filed for a divorce JUST because of one thappad.” It took me days to unpack my own reaction to the trailer especially being a woman. It took me days to overcome the guilt of being so ignorant as a woman and days to forgive myself for the reaction that is actually “normal” in our social and culture contexts and is deeply ingrained in our minds. My own reaction jolted the very foundations of being a woman. The uneasiness of “just one slap” pushed me to see myself in the mirror of past experiences and question my reaction. I realized that my reaction was because of decades of watching many of the women in my life being assaulted physically and emotionally. If all those women had stopped men on the very first slap, their lives and my life would have been different. If women (including me) stand up and tell people who emotionally abuse them to stop, lives of many girls would be different. If women prepare their daughters and SONS to break this vicious cycle of abuse, things will be different. When women teach their daughters that A SLAP is enough, the span of misery in daughters’ lives will be shortened. If movie dialogues such as “thappad se dar nahi lugta, piyar se lugta hai” are considered as immoral and comedy shows where women (men too) are humiliated and body shamed and where audiences laugh and clap are banned, lives of many will be different. More importantly, the social and Cultural fabric will be different. It will be a fabric that does not allow abuse of any kind and form.

Putting it all into Perspective!

All lives matter vs. Black lives matter

All human rights vs. women’s rights

All countrymen rights vs. minorities’ rights

These topics have caused lots of disagreements in my personal life – especially when it comes to minorities’ rights. My intentions of returning to my own country are questioned. My identity and loyalty as a Pakistani are questioned. Above all, my concerns regarding exclusion of non-Muslims from the national curriculum is once again construed as HATE. I don’t know since when raising voice against academic and social inequities was redefined as hatred at national or international levels, but it sure did for me. It is fearful to experience how “educated” people are fine with a person belonging to a minority group until s/he start raising concerns about discrimination. They instantly are labeled as anti-religion and anti-nationalists. However, a person practicing or promoting discrimination against others is usually lauded by many, ignored by some, and condemned by few.

Enough of my rant…

I,very carefully, use the word minority as it may differ in meaning for each one of us based on our beliefs, our understanding and more importantly, how we identify ourselves. I, as a Christian woman, define minority as any thing that does not fit in the majority domain or within the realm of normal as described and understood by majority’s culture – it includes (but not limited to) religion, school of thought, sexual orientation, caste, creed, race, vulnerable groups such as women, transgender, children, differently gifted, etc. Anyone who’s voice can easily be dominated and cowed by majority voices, is a minor for me. By my definition, people having any skin color other than white is a minority (even in Pakistan, where it should have been the opposite). Women are minority. People representing a religion other than the dominant religion of a country are minority. People raising voices against inequities are also minority – as the world yet must see equity and equality and experience peace. There was a time when I did not see any discrimination because it was so much normalized. I, as a Christian and as a woman, was conditioned to religious and gender discrimination and also conditioned to remain silent. How it changed? I’m going to share a story.

In one of my PhD classes, a professor, known for his interests in critical theory and pedagogy, had joined us as a guest speaker. We were given some topics to reflect upon in groups. He came to my group and sat with us. I asked him, “Why do we always talk about women rights? You know there are men who go through similar problems and there are women who treat men the way men treat women. So why don’t we talk about human rights rather than just women rights?” He listened very carefully and without labeling me as naïve or unwise, he smiled and said, “because they have been silenced for a very long period of time and now it’s important to talk about their rights.” He left the table.

That thought never left my mind and sight. How much conditioned was I? It made me realize how blindsided was I. Even as a woman, I didn’t understand why it is important for the world to talk about women rights. I realized that our dominant social, cultural, and religious norms gradually silence us and place blinders on our eyes and thoughts. We don’t even recognize the discrimination we go through by others and sometimes by us. Yes, we are conditioned to do this to ourselves when we, being a minor, automatically assess our potential of doing or achieving something and sometimes quit before trying it out. I now know how important putting these topics into perspective is, to understand the gravity of issues surrounding them.

All lives matter. Yes, they do. But right now, Black lives matter because the issues revolving the race have been silenced for a very long period.

All human rights matter. Yes, they do. But right now, women’s rights matter because they have been silenced for a very long period.

All countrymen rights matter. Yes, they do. But right now, minorities’ rights matter because they have been silenced for a long period.

We need to take off the blinders and ask (i) Is this a topic of discussion in my life? in my family or friends’ circle? Or has it been a silenced topic? (ii) What do I do or think when I hear or read about these topics? What are social and cultural practices regarding these topics? Don’t bring in religions. This is about what you think and practice and how the society thinks and defines them.

For Christians who don’t understand why these matter. From Christian perspectives, currently all these topics represent the 100^th lamb. Remember, God leaves 99 to look for the one, who is left behind. Right now, Blacks, minorities, etc., represent the lamb, who is left behind and silenced. Therefore, need our attention.

What is more blasphemous?

I have been thinking about it and was gathering some courage to write about it. After reading people’s reactions about cases such as Asia Bibi or Ahmedia community or recent events in Occupied Jammu & Kashmir and India, I keep asking myself – (1) what is more blasphemous – some words said against a religious deity (none of whom has actually sanctioned killing of any human or a living being) or a human brutally lynched and persecuted based on someone’s accusations and without being given the right to a fair trial and without digging for actual facts? (2) Who has committed blasphemy – the one who is accused or the one who has falsely accused the other? No one questions, no one thinks – everyone just follows blindly. It scares me to my core to realize how people can manipulate and how quickly people change into angry and violent mob. (3) How can a society lack the ability to think and be so lawless and intolerant in the 21st century? (4) Why is it a crime to have a different faith? Isn’t this the beauty of this world? Even trees of same kinds are different. There are no two fir trees that are exactly of the same size. Then why do we expect homogeneity among humans. Yes, it scares to my core.

The ‘Leftovers’ of Colonialism

We, as a nation gained independence from the Colonialists in 1947. Our grandparents and parents shared the stories of the incidents that took place as people from both sides migrated to the ‘other side.’ The incidents were both heartwarming and heart wrenching. I, as an individual, opened eyes in an independent state, therefore, remember only the stories told by my relatives. What I learned from the stories told is that our forefathers wanted an independent state to live in peace and beyond the politics of protocol. However, one can find ‘leftovers’ of colonialism around in all fields. The leftovers that can be found in academia (probably in other fields too), are of three types.

The first type refers to the leftovers, the British left unconsumed in the serving dishes. Such leftovers believe that they have the same rights and should be given the same protocol as the Angrez Sarkar (British rulers). Many of them might get angry if they are not given the due protocol as per their belief of being someone deserving.

The second type includes leftovers that the British left behind in their plates – as their appetites were filled to the fullest. Such leftovers spend their life in proving that they are senior and should be given due protocol even if they do nothing and look busy. Because they have superiority complex, they have issues with every other thing that happens around them. They are always criticizing everyone except their own practices and believe that they have the right of make others’ life miserable.

The third type consists of bits of food that fell off the table, on the ground, while the colonialists ate. This type refers to the personal secretaries and personal assistants of the above mentioned two types. Many of them have more protocol issues that any of the individuals belonging to the first type. These bits believe that they should be given more protocol that their bosses. Trust me, call them and you will have an experience of a lifetime. 

In past 72 years of independence, the number of leftovers has increased. The increase that we are experiencing is because of the acceptability of such behaviors in our society. For me, this is another form of slavery, when your minds are tuned to despise others – especially if the others have lower or similar grades or lower socio-economic statuses. It is more beneficial for our society to differentiate between respect and slavery. As people in academia, who are responsible to educate the future generations, must teach the current generation to question the practices of these leftovers, if we are proponents of equity and equality. If not, then what we are experiencing, the current and all the future generations will face and go through the same scenario.

Mazaab aik beopaar…

Mazaab aik beopaar,

Padri, pandit, molvi- sub beopaari

Keeya insaniyat mei paida tafarka

Kiya khoob chalaki, kiya khoob hoshiari

Main rahon tujhse khafa sa; tu rahe mujhse pashema(n)

Teri khushi guzre mujhe nagawar; aur meri khushi tujh pe bhari

Main Esahi, tu Muslama(n), woh Hindu, Yahoodi

Mere liye tu munafaq, tere liye main kafir

Bholey hain hum sub farman-e-Illahi

Bana main bhi beopaari, bana tu bhi beopaari

Mazaab ik beopaar

Main bhi beopaari, tu bhi beopaari

Banos Around the World

I’m using the name “Bano” to represent women and does not refer to any person living or dead. During a talk by my friend from Michigan, USA about ‘Culture, Gender, and Education: Perspective of a Teaching Father’ brought back memories of a chapter in the Urdu textbook. The chapter titled “Bano ka Ghar” (Bano’s home), depicts a girl named Bano, who works with her mother at home, while her brother goes to school. Many educationists have tried hard to send Bano to school too (changing the story of the chapter), but I think Bano still stays at home. How social roles are depicted in the textbooks, is another long debate.

Around the world, we might see Banos  who stay at home, who go to school, and who work in different fields.

Banos who stay at home, some are dearly loved and enjoy rights and there are those as well who are abused by their family members, who treat them as servants and consider them as a burden on the family.

Banos who go to school, some might be dearly loved and cared for by their families, yet some might be treated differently by their families, where they go back home and do household chores to help their mothers. They might go through hell of a time just because they chose to go to school during the time when they were suppose to take care of household responsibilities.

Working Banos can be educated or uneducated. Educated Banos, like me, are considered professionally accomplished. There are educated Banos, who work as typists and secretaries. who along with their work might be harassed by their bosses or male colleagues. Besides dealing with all the crap in the offices, Banos’ working hours do not end with their male counterparts. When they reach home, they might have to prepare food, teach kids, entertain guests, iron clothes for the next day, etc. Uneducated Banos who might work as maids or even street beggars, they go back home, only to work more along with being abused. Banos who are professional escorts may or may not have the same home-life as Banos from other fields.

Whether Bano goes to school or stays home or works as a maid, enjoys high social post, or is an escort, the question is what rights she has and how protected she is within the boundary walls of their homes or offices or on streets? I can’t answer this question.

In our society, every day no matter where Bano is or what she is doing, she is stared at, abused mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. Two days back, in the morning while driving to my university, at DHA main checkpoint a taxi driver slowed down, just to give me a look from his side mirror and of course Banos like me, do give them a piece of their mind. Many argue that it is the way of dressing and make up that women wear. Well, how can a driver know what a woman in the car behind is wearing unless he has Superman’s x-ray eyes? It is not so much about the dressing but rather it is the mindset that needs to be changed. Many say that women should be kept within the boundary wall, but for a change can you teach men to behave and can you guarantee safety of women within the boundary walls?

I have become verbally abusive and physically aggressive. I have actually beaten up three men at three different times and I plan to do it whenever I have to. But is this the solution that we train our females to hit hard when filthy looking men dare to abuse them and don’t tell our men to control themselves? I can’t walk alone in my neighborhood just because the laborers might say nasty things when you walk by.  Why didn’t I feel so unprotected and vulnerable in the five years I spent in the US? I walked in the street at 2 am, but never was scared. I am not implying that angels live in the US and that there are no crimes against women there. Of course, there are. But I still felt safe when I went out for my 3-5 mile walk daily, when I greeted an unknown face on my way, stopped to take pictures, sat alone in a bus/ cab in the middle of the night, or called an unknown number to get some information. Why can’t we give this type of peace of mind to our females?

Limit Your Altruistic Habits – A Lesson Learned!

It’s been the story of my life. I have seen my parents do it, my siblings (not all of them) do it, of course I myself have done that too. What? Helping others financially!!! Well, one may think that what we did or still do is an excellent example of altruism, but I do now believe in setting up a limit, especially when your close family members (siblings) are involved.

I have learned that the more you put others (especially your siblings) before yourself, the more you will be emotionally abused by them. They will become more dependent on you and most of the time, you will have to sacrifice your needs to fulfill theirs. I’m not at all suggesting that helping others is some sort of a crime or a bad habit. What I’m suggesting relates to the famous air plane announcement, “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” 

The rule is simple to apply in your life. If your own life in under debt or you are going through rough times, put your own family’s (your own, wife, and kids) needs first. There is nothing wrong in being a little selfish, because your family is your responsibility. No one else will ever take that on their shoulders. After that, if you have left with enough funds to help, sure but not on the cost of your own desires and needs. Think about limiting your altruistic habits to a reasonable level. It has helped me, it might help you too.

Food for Thought

The article “A Wishful Thinking” written by Dr. Afshan Huma is really interesting and very close to my heart. The article brings two worlds that she and I have experienced as female graduate students in the US, and highlights several forms of harassment a female might have to face. I could relate to the things said with my experiences as a female in Pakistan as well as in the US.

Dressing Harassment:   As a Christian female, I’ve heard it so many times “Your religion allows you to wear whatever you want to.” Well, I doubt any Ibrahamic religion to be that liberal. People tend to relate culture with religion. And their judgment is not limited to other religions, they judge all females by their dressing. If someone is wearing a hijab/burqa, she must be very religious, poise, and having a good character (GOOD as interpreted by the society). Women like me who do not wish to wear burqa are shameless women (SHAMELESS as interpreted by the society). Adding to the misery –  if along with being shameless, I talk to men, then most probably, I’m a characterless and cheap woman too (as interpreted by the society). The desire to wear what I want to, relates to my basic right as a female to be independent, rather than what my religion and culture tell me to wear. As an adult, I can set my dressing limits based on my religion, but not what the culture wants me to.  Burqa or no burqa has to be my choice, not because men will stare at me.

Sexual Harassment: Going out for a walk alone or going to work by public transport should not imply that I’M AVAILABLE. This is the peace of mind I too wish for females. I have never experienced a car stop by and the driver opening the front door and asking me to go with him, even though I sometimes walk late at night in the US. In Pakistan, in broad daylight, this happens. In the US, I have never heard a single remark from either male or female about my physique or as you said, about what I was wearing, let alone the sexist remarks men pass in Pakistan if you’re walking/traveling alone. More importantly, no men have ever tried to touch me, the fear every female has who travels alone to jobs and to do other chores. Sorry to use the word, but I’ve not seen the filthiness in the eyes of men I pass by when I go out for a walk or sit outside to enjoy weather. In last 5 years, I haven’t beaten a man or was involved in a verbal fight because he had passed a remark or had touched me.

It is not because that you and I lived in a university city and I’m not saying that USA is free of sexual harassment. There is but most of the time I feel safe. Of course, there are neighborhoods that are not considered safe, but mainly for everyone, and not related to gender. I have traveled to almost 15 states and so far I haven’t faced a single threat to my safety as a female, even though I smile and greet all males (and females) I meet anywhere. What a lovely experience to be greeted by a bus driver with a smile while getting on to a bus,  or a cashier in a grocer shop, or a teller in a bank, or a cab driver, and I smile back. I even ask how s/he is doing. They won’t think that I’m hitting on them or vice versa. This is what I too call “liberty.”

People who argue that sexual harassment law was implemented in countries where it was needed, I think Pakistan is THE country that needs to realize and recognize that sexual harassment is prevailing in the society and laws should be strictly implemented and followed.

Harassment related to being Judged: I loved the idea of “assassinat[ing] one’s character.” People here are actually least bothered if they see me in a theatre or in a grocery shop alone at night or with men. They don’t bother if everyday a male gives me ride to and from different places. Yes, I agree, people might judge because they are humans, but they won’t call me characterless.  More importantly, I agree with you that being a SINGLE FEMALE is not a THREAT to me most of the times.

Nonetheless, this kind of “liberty” is a mindset, and as a society unknown to many of us.

Women, Kitchen, & Professions

Today’s blog is in response to a statement by a Pakistani cricketer Shahid Afridi Khan during an interview for a local channel. Why does it matter what Shahid Afridi says? Well, he is considered a national hero, followed and cherished by people of all ages and all walks of life- both men and women. His opinion can be idealized by many, and anything said by a national hero, people have a tendency to appreciate and follow it without giving it a second thought, regardless of how pathetic that opinion is. Here is one example, where a female author tried to explain why she won’t be cheering anymore for Afridi and was shunned by males and females equally. Here is the story!

The interviewer asked Afridi’s thoughts about the women selection in his city Peshawar for Pakistani Women Cricket team.

Afridi replied, “Our women have great taste in their hands. They cook very well.”

The interviewer said that he was asking about the selection, and

Afridi said, “You got the answer.”

What Afridi was implying that women should not be playing cricket, rather they should stay home and cook. What’s wrong with his comment, when this is what most females do? It matters because women can do much more than cooking and his comment undermines the potential females have. It undermines the women’s right to do what they want to and also it shows lack of respect for women who are working in various professions.

I’m a very optimistic person, but after reading comments … What a pitiful state of mind and I don’t think education can change anything, at least not in the near future! Men with Afridi’s mindset want female doctors, nurses, teachers, etc., for their wives and daughters. They don’t think for a second before opening their mouths that if women are confined to kitchens, they won’t be able to have female doctors, teachers, nurses, etc., for taking care of their females. I think that female doctors should refuse checking wives and daughters of men like Shahid Afridi so that they may acknowledge professional women. I felt sad when I read comments of females- so demeaning. They also don’t think about what he said.

A student of mine recently said that we should motivate our men to share household responsibilities too. It is of course possible, but it will take a long time to change. Our mothers do and teach the same to their daughters. We don’t teach our men to share household responsibilities… they are the LAAT SAHIBS (bosses) of our society. A mindset transferred from generation to generation. Working women after office hours, take care of household chores too. Basically they work more hours than men. And I’m not blaming females. I have done that to for so many years. But I realized what was happening.

The first step, I believe is the realization that something wrong is happening and acknowledging that there is a problem. Unfortunately, looking at the comments, we are far behind from realizing and acknowledging that there is something wrong in what Afridi said.